Baby girls hands and feet

Little Bruiser is growing!

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Well, that's probably it...

The hCG level has only gone up to about 25000 since last Thursday, and that's not good. Another ultrasound is scheduled for Friday, and with how things are going, I don't expect to see what we would like to see...

The really crappy thing is, I still feel pregnant - very nauseous, up to the point where I have been considering the relative merits of throwing up, and only taking small sips of water, plus the fact that I absolutely hate vomiting,  have aided me in stopping myself from doing so.

It's just fucked - excuse my French.

At this point I am probably most upset about the fact that I can't just stop taking the progesterone and still have to carry on as if everything is normal, until Friday, anyway. Three more days of bloody hope - because I don't think I"ll be able to stop myself hoping, even in the face of the cruel facts.

I have to say that while I gave miscarriage some fleeting thought prior to offering to become a surrogate, it was very, very fleeting. The only two outcomes of the whole procedure that I actually thought about longer were a/ the transfer doesn't work and I don't get pregnant, and b/ the transfer works and I get pregnant, with a healthy baby, or even not a healthy one, is born. Miscarriage... I've never had one, not that I know of anyway. I should probably read up on it. Hopefully it happens earlier rather than later...

Poor little traveler - I guess he or she isn't quite right, and it's probably for the best that the pregnancy doesn't progress beyond this point.

All I can say at this point is that if I can, I will give it another try for Kylie and Adrian. The 'if I can' bit includes considerations regarding the time that I have available in Australia, and how things go with losing the LT.

Life sucks.

1 comment:

Krystal said...

I'm still hopeful for you, but I'm sorry you are going through this. It's not easy. I had a miscarriage with my first set of IP's and it wasn't something that I had ever even considered either. My prayers are with you.