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Little Bruiser is growing!
Saturday, 2 August 2014
Tuesday, 17 June 2014
The last chapter
By way if introductory remarks: Wow, it's been a while!
Hamish will be two in July (!), and he is a running, bouncing, dancing, chattering ball of energy. I got to see him for a couple of weeks in Brunei when Kylie and little man came to visit us. He was on the cusp of walking unaided, and grew his first teeth while he was there. Here we are with Hamish, just before he turned one.
The last time I saw him and his parents was more than half a year ago during a short stay in Australia, while were were getting ready to set off for yet another adventure, this time in Hawaii (I know, what terrible life I lead :)) He has grown so much in that time - this is him a couple of days ago.
And now to business. I haven't been posting much as this was ultimately a blog about things surrogacy, and besides the continued growing and prospering of Hamish, which I felt was more appropriate to enjoy privately, there was nothing else happening on that front. Now there is one more thing that I need to write about to make this blog complete. It makes me sound a little petty, but I intended to be as frank as I could on this blog, so I'll just lay it out there.
Here goes:
Recently, Kylie and Adrian decided to add to their little clan. While I have been expecting this to happen, I wasn't entirely sure how I would react to it when the time came. Let me try to explain. I have always been pretty sure that I would only do surrogacy once. While I would never trade the experience of our amazing journey together for anything, I also never particularly wanted to put myself or my family through the stress again. On the other hand, if I didn't carry Hamish (and Sophie Cleo's) sibling, it was quite obvious that someone else would have to (duh, I hear you say - but bear with me). Another surrogate. Another woman who would create that special bond with Kylie and Adrian, and this time Hamish as well. I wasn't sure how I would feel about that. Actually, that's not quite right. In the interest of full disclosure, I was afraid that I wouldn't be happy about it. No, still not being honest... I was afraid that I would be jealous.
When the e-mail came letting me know that the decision was made, I had a moment of panic. Now that it was happening, how did I feel? Was I jealous that someone else would get to experience what I have with the Rafterys? Or did I feel threatened? Maybe this other hypothetical woman would a much better, kinder human being than I am. Maybe she would have a closer relationship with my surrogate family than I ever did. Maybe (probably) she wouldn't move all around the world every couple of years afterwards and would get to see them all frequently...
I was just picking up the kids from school when I got the e-mail. The way back home took us about 20 minutes, and I spent most of the drive giving myself all these and other questions, trying to determine what the real answers were. And then, about 5 minutes from home, in one moment, I had an epiphany. I was looking at it all wrong. I stopped thinking about what I would feel like, and started thinking about how I felt right at that moment. And this is what I came up with:
1. I am absolutely clear about wanting Hamish to have a sibling here on Earth. I am forever grateful that we decided to have a second child, because even though they sometimes fight, they are also each other's best friends, and Hamish so deserves to experience that.
2. While I dearly love Kylie and Adrian, the idea of another pregnancy (surrogate or otherwise) leaves me less than thrilled. A lot less.
3. I dearly love Kylie and Adrian, period. And I am fairly sure that they are fond of me too. A new surrogacy journey with a different surrogate will never change or devalue what we have been through together. It will never change the fact that Hamish is here.
So, in the last 5 minutes of my journey home, I went from a bit confused and anxious to rather excited about the project and ready to offer any support I could.
Phew. I'm happy that's off my chest.
So this is it. I might drop in occasionally (read: couple of times a decade :) to jot down blogworthy updates on Hamish and my thoughts on surrogacy, but that's probably it.
Thanks for reading!
Hamish will be two in July (!), and he is a running, bouncing, dancing, chattering ball of energy. I got to see him for a couple of weeks in Brunei when Kylie and little man came to visit us. He was on the cusp of walking unaided, and grew his first teeth while he was there. Here we are with Hamish, just before he turned one.
The last time I saw him and his parents was more than half a year ago during a short stay in Australia, while were were getting ready to set off for yet another adventure, this time in Hawaii (I know, what terrible life I lead :)) He has grown so much in that time - this is him a couple of days ago.
And now to business. I haven't been posting much as this was ultimately a blog about things surrogacy, and besides the continued growing and prospering of Hamish, which I felt was more appropriate to enjoy privately, there was nothing else happening on that front. Now there is one more thing that I need to write about to make this blog complete. It makes me sound a little petty, but I intended to be as frank as I could on this blog, so I'll just lay it out there.
Here goes:
Recently, Kylie and Adrian decided to add to their little clan. While I have been expecting this to happen, I wasn't entirely sure how I would react to it when the time came. Let me try to explain. I have always been pretty sure that I would only do surrogacy once. While I would never trade the experience of our amazing journey together for anything, I also never particularly wanted to put myself or my family through the stress again. On the other hand, if I didn't carry Hamish (and Sophie Cleo's) sibling, it was quite obvious that someone else would have to (duh, I hear you say - but bear with me). Another surrogate. Another woman who would create that special bond with Kylie and Adrian, and this time Hamish as well. I wasn't sure how I would feel about that. Actually, that's not quite right. In the interest of full disclosure, I was afraid that I wouldn't be happy about it. No, still not being honest... I was afraid that I would be jealous.
When the e-mail came letting me know that the decision was made, I had a moment of panic. Now that it was happening, how did I feel? Was I jealous that someone else would get to experience what I have with the Rafterys? Or did I feel threatened? Maybe this other hypothetical woman would a much better, kinder human being than I am. Maybe she would have a closer relationship with my surrogate family than I ever did. Maybe (probably) she wouldn't move all around the world every couple of years afterwards and would get to see them all frequently...
I was just picking up the kids from school when I got the e-mail. The way back home took us about 20 minutes, and I spent most of the drive giving myself all these and other questions, trying to determine what the real answers were. And then, about 5 minutes from home, in one moment, I had an epiphany. I was looking at it all wrong. I stopped thinking about what I would feel like, and started thinking about how I felt right at that moment. And this is what I came up with:
1. I am absolutely clear about wanting Hamish to have a sibling here on Earth. I am forever grateful that we decided to have a second child, because even though they sometimes fight, they are also each other's best friends, and Hamish so deserves to experience that.
2. While I dearly love Kylie and Adrian, the idea of another pregnancy (surrogate or otherwise) leaves me less than thrilled. A lot less.
3. I dearly love Kylie and Adrian, period. And I am fairly sure that they are fond of me too. A new surrogacy journey with a different surrogate will never change or devalue what we have been through together. It will never change the fact that Hamish is here.
So, in the last 5 minutes of my journey home, I went from a bit confused and anxious to rather excited about the project and ready to offer any support I could.
Phew. I'm happy that's off my chest.
So this is it. I might drop in occasionally (read: couple of times a decade :) to jot down blogworthy updates on Hamish and my thoughts on surrogacy, but that's probably it.
Thanks for reading!
Monday, 6 May 2013
Monday, 1 April 2013
Tuesday, 26 February 2013
7 months +
It is the end of February, Year 1 PS (post surrogacy) :D
And life is still great. Our move to Brunei has been completed mostly with success - the children have settled well into their new surroundings and new school, and found new friends easily. Damien seems to be enjoying his job, and, so far, I am enjoying being a lady of leisure. I don't think I could last much longer, but fortunately semester is starting next week, and as I am enrolled in two interesting courses, I'll probably manage to stay busy even if it turns out I am not able to work here.
Hamish is, as always, a little delight for his parents. He even travels well, bless him... with his first international flights and a few weeks of sight-seeing under his belt, he is now officially an ideal child.
And cute too!
Kylie and Hamish's visit in Brunei this year is on the cards too - hopefully it will work out, not seeing them for a whole year would make me sad (hint hint if you're reading this, Rafterys :D).
And as this is a blog documenting the whole journey, I'd be remiss not to mention that we are now big media stars! :) Just as we were busily packing to move, Kylie and Adrian were approached by a journalist, who wanted to write our story. I was unable to contribute to the actual article, although it appears that the journalist consulted my blog and plucked one of the pearls that I drop on a regular basis to incorporate into the article. It appeared on the front page (!) of the Daily Telegraph on Saturday, 16 February, with quite a few photos included (when I first saw them, I have to say I was a bit taken aback, as I wasn't aware that they, at least the ones of me, would be there - still not exactly sure how I feel about it, but what's done is done). Here's the link to the online version - Forging a bond, and sharing the joy.
And that's all for now. I'm going to go and get lunch ready, before I pick up my children from school and then proceed to spend a few hours in the pool that we have in the backyard... bliss! Oh, did I mention that, as I am typing this, a maid is cleaning our house? :D
Year 1 PS shall be a good year!
And life is still great. Our move to Brunei has been completed mostly with success - the children have settled well into their new surroundings and new school, and found new friends easily. Damien seems to be enjoying his job, and, so far, I am enjoying being a lady of leisure. I don't think I could last much longer, but fortunately semester is starting next week, and as I am enrolled in two interesting courses, I'll probably manage to stay busy even if it turns out I am not able to work here.
Hamish is, as always, a little delight for his parents. He even travels well, bless him... with his first international flights and a few weeks of sight-seeing under his belt, he is now officially an ideal child.
And cute too!
Kylie and Hamish's visit in Brunei this year is on the cards too - hopefully it will work out, not seeing them for a whole year would make me sad (hint hint if you're reading this, Rafterys :D).
And as this is a blog documenting the whole journey, I'd be remiss not to mention that we are now big media stars! :) Just as we were busily packing to move, Kylie and Adrian were approached by a journalist, who wanted to write our story. I was unable to contribute to the actual article, although it appears that the journalist consulted my blog and plucked one of the pearls that I drop on a regular basis to incorporate into the article. It appeared on the front page (!) of the Daily Telegraph on Saturday, 16 February, with quite a few photos included (when I first saw them, I have to say I was a bit taken aback, as I wasn't aware that they, at least the ones of me, would be there - still not exactly sure how I feel about it, but what's done is done). Here's the link to the online version - Forging a bond, and sharing the joy.
And that's all for now. I'm going to go and get lunch ready, before I pick up my children from school and then proceed to spend a few hours in the pool that we have in the backyard... bliss! Oh, did I mention that, as I am typing this, a maid is cleaning our house? :D
Year 1 PS shall be a good year!
Wednesday, 5 December 2012
More than 4 months ago
Long time no post!
A lot has happened since I last updated.
I stopped eating chocolate and lost most of Hamish weight, and then lost some more, due to a very rare event in my life - an illness. Horrible horrible thing, pneumonia, do NOT recommend as a weight-loss strategy.
I had another reminder of how amazing my family and friends are and how blessed I am to have them all in my life. I found out a couple of weeks ago that my husband, along with an entourage of keen helpers, has planned a surprise wedding vows renewal for us on the day after our 10th wedding anniversary. The ceremony was lovely (better than the original one!) and the reception and fun afterwards was great. I enjoyed myself lots, and still marvel at how everyone could possibly keep this a secret for so long - they sure pulled it off!
I applied for a job, and got it. I started last week, and I am enjoying myself immensely - a very interesting, varied, exciting, challenging job, with great colleagues and supportive supervisors. Which is just as well, because...
...on my first day at work, I got a phone call from my husband, who informed me that his supervisors want him to go on a short-term posting (for 9 months) in the beginning of next year. We discussed it, and decided that he would not take the posting unless I could somehow take unpaid leave or arrange something else. I was not hopeful, as I was going to discuss this with my supervisor on my SECOND day at work, but I was shocked - she was very understanding and told me not to stress, that my job would be waiting for me when I come back. Wow. Talk about good bosses!
And, of course, there's Hamish. He is now, officially, the son of his parents. The paperwork has gone through, Kylie and Adrian 'adopted' him, and he now has a new birth certificate that shows them as his parents.
He is a little delight. I got to see him, and Kylie and Adrian, and their parents as well, for two weekends in a row - first the wedding vows renewal, then Adrian's birthday party. He is (Hamish, not Adrian :) a chilled out little guy, gives lots of smiles, loves exploring and touching everything, and already eats some solids! He doesn't sleep much during the day, but very well overnight, and even lets his parents sleep in regularly.
When I was watching Kylie and Adrian this weekend, it all finally wrapped up for me. I don't think I've been been looking for 'closure', but I got one nevertheless. The way they interact with Hamish, the way their faces light up with smiles, their genuine happiness... I am so happy for them, the feeling almost lifts me up.
I am also very proud of them. They are the best parents (if you don't count Adrian's occasional lapses of judgement that make me want to come over and give him a lecture on parenting :D So far, I have managed to bite my tongue and stop myself, particularly as I always remember that my husband's behaviour towards our kids is pretty similar - which, now that I think about it, probably means that it doesn't constitute a lapse of judgement as such, but is merely a 'dad thing').
I never doubted it, but now I know for sure - I made the right choice. If I could travel in time, even knowing exactly what was going to happen and how stressful the pregnancy would be, I'd do it all over again. I helped to add another child to a wonderful family, and hopefully aided in healing a little bit of the terrible hurt in his parents' hearts.
A lot has happened since I last updated.
I stopped eating chocolate and lost most of Hamish weight, and then lost some more, due to a very rare event in my life - an illness. Horrible horrible thing, pneumonia, do NOT recommend as a weight-loss strategy.
I had another reminder of how amazing my family and friends are and how blessed I am to have them all in my life. I found out a couple of weeks ago that my husband, along with an entourage of keen helpers, has planned a surprise wedding vows renewal for us on the day after our 10th wedding anniversary. The ceremony was lovely (better than the original one!) and the reception and fun afterwards was great. I enjoyed myself lots, and still marvel at how everyone could possibly keep this a secret for so long - they sure pulled it off!
I applied for a job, and got it. I started last week, and I am enjoying myself immensely - a very interesting, varied, exciting, challenging job, with great colleagues and supportive supervisors. Which is just as well, because...
...on my first day at work, I got a phone call from my husband, who informed me that his supervisors want him to go on a short-term posting (for 9 months) in the beginning of next year. We discussed it, and decided that he would not take the posting unless I could somehow take unpaid leave or arrange something else. I was not hopeful, as I was going to discuss this with my supervisor on my SECOND day at work, but I was shocked - she was very understanding and told me not to stress, that my job would be waiting for me when I come back. Wow. Talk about good bosses!
And, of course, there's Hamish. He is now, officially, the son of his parents. The paperwork has gone through, Kylie and Adrian 'adopted' him, and he now has a new birth certificate that shows them as his parents.
He is a little delight. I got to see him, and Kylie and Adrian, and their parents as well, for two weekends in a row - first the wedding vows renewal, then Adrian's birthday party. He is (Hamish, not Adrian :) a chilled out little guy, gives lots of smiles, loves exploring and touching everything, and already eats some solids! He doesn't sleep much during the day, but very well overnight, and even lets his parents sleep in regularly.
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| Apparently laughing at a funny joke from dad - I think dad was more likely making silly faces/noises, or singing a very entertaining rendition of 'Glump glump went the little green frog one day' :D |
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| Remember the photo with Hamish, Sophie doll, and a paper saying '1 month'? This paper says '4 months' - what a change! |
I am also very proud of them. They are the best parents (if you don't count Adrian's occasional lapses of judgement that make me want to come over and give him a lecture on parenting :D So far, I have managed to bite my tongue and stop myself, particularly as I always remember that my husband's behaviour towards our kids is pretty similar - which, now that I think about it, probably means that it doesn't constitute a lapse of judgement as such, but is merely a 'dad thing').
I never doubted it, but now I know for sure - I made the right choice. If I could travel in time, even knowing exactly what was going to happen and how stressful the pregnancy would be, I'd do it all over again. I helped to add another child to a wonderful family, and hopefully aided in healing a little bit of the terrible hurt in his parents' hearts.
Friday, 5 October 2012
Time flies!
Yes, it does! Little Bruiser is no longer known by his in utero nickname. He is definitely Hamish now. A little man with his own personality, a giggler, a kicker. We went to see him and his parents a few weeks ago and spent the weekend together. I had lots and lots of cuddles, and Damien as well as Ben and Sophie got to hold Hamish too.
Life is good.
Life is good.
Sunday, 19 August 2012
Happy 1 month, Hamish!
Surreal... One month ago, this little guy was only just born. I can't believe it - it feels like it has been much longer.
He is an absolute cutie pie! And, true to his nickname, still a Little Bruiser. Only a little bigger now :D
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| 1 month old... already?? |
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| Awwww...... |
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| And awwww again.... |
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| Precious!! |
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| Wonder what he's thinking... |
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| Gosh, tears in my eyes again... they look so happy! Well, most of them :D |
Monday, 13 August 2012
Impatiently patient
I want to get fit again! And I want to start now!! Physically, I am feeling completely fine now, but I think I should probably wait until about the 6 week mark until I start training for that marathon :)
Which brings me back to my previous post - I still feel like I need to find myself a new 'project', but the urgency of the last week has passed. I have thought about a few things that sound good, and I'll see if I can do any of them, but I think I am happy now to take my time in getting there and just enjoy life without any extras for the moment... I think. Hmm. We'll see how long that moment lasts :)
Which brings me back to my previous post - I still feel like I need to find myself a new 'project', but the urgency of the last week has passed. I have thought about a few things that sound good, and I'll see if I can do any of them, but I think I am happy now to take my time in getting there and just enjoy life without any extras for the moment... I think. Hmm. We'll see how long that moment lasts :)
Friday, 3 August 2012
New normal?
The Rafterys left Canberra on Monday, after we have all jumped over one of the last hurdles of the surrogacy process - we had a little talk with a psychologist, who, I assume, will conclude that we are all sane and aware of what we are doing. We then have to wait until the 30th August before we can lodge a request with the court to transfer legal parenting responsibilities for Hamish into his biological parents' hands. The keyword here is 'legally', as my time of responsibility for his well-being is over, save for the moments when I am giving him a cuddle and need to make sure I don't drop him on his head or something of the sort :D Unfortunately, those times will be few now as he is three hours drive away.
I have to say that since the Rafterys left, I have had a few emotional moments. Certainly, I am missing all of them, but it is not just that. I am very, very happy that Sophie Cleo has a little brother now, and that the new family gets to settle and live their lives in their own home. I don't feel like I should have a baby in my arms, as adorably cuddlable as he is. I think the main issue is that this undertaking has been a huge part of my life for more than three years now, and for the past year and a half it almost completely consumed it - not to the exclusion of everything else, but rather as a backdrop. Emotionally and physically, it has been at the forefront for so long, and now, suddenly, in one day, in one moment, it's all gone. Over.
And I am at a little bit of a loss, actually. I'm not sure what to do with myself. That will probably soon right itself, but at the moment I am floundering a little. I am back to my 'normal' life - kids, work, study. But something seems to be missing. I find myself thinking of new 'projects' - something big, some long-term goal. Getting fit and training for a marathon - sure, why not? Starting over in a new, challenging field of study when I am finished with the current one - sounds good. Finally completing one of my novels - okay, that could do it. But somehow, none of this sounds quite satisfactory enough. I guess there are very few things that could compare with what I have just accomplished - not many that I am in a position to do anyway. And when I say compare, I mean have, in my own eyes, a similar achievement value. I don't know. Maybe any of the above project possibles would do if they contributed to someone else's lives as well? What about training for a marathon and then running it to raise money for Make-a-Wish Australia? Hmm. Sounds better. Maybe I'll start with just trying to volunteer for them. What do you think?
Thursday, 26 July 2012
Revelation
Today, the Rafterys came over for a short visit, and gave me a gift. Well, ostensibly, Hamish gave me a gift. I didn't open it immediately as I wanted some cuddles first :D But after the cuddles, I had a look, and immediately had tears in my eyes...
It is a necklace with a round two-part pendant - on the inside, there is a 'tree of life', and on the outside, a silver ring with the names of the three children that I carried and gave birth to - Benjamin, Sophie, and Hamish. Needless to say, this is something that I will cherish forever. Teary as I type this.
As I was putting it on, I realised that I had it all wrong from the very beginning. When I named this blog, I gave it a subtitle - A Journey to Surrogacy and Back. I don't know what I was thinking. This journey has changed the life of many people, my own included. It has brought a new life to being. There is no 'back' to go to... The only direction to go from here is forward. Ahead. Beyond.
I am a tummy mummy. I grew and gave birth to Kylie and Adrian's child. I am proud, happy, fulfilled.
And as of today, this blog has a new subtitle.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
And now for the compulsory bit...
yes, the birth story :D
We went for the pre-arranged monitoring appointment on Wednesday. We met our midwife first, who took us down to the clinic and sat us in the waiting room. The appointment was supposed to be at 10.45am. Time goes by, all the people who came before us have gone, people who have come after us have gone, yet we are still sitting, waiting... Our midwife came by at one point to check, was surprised to see us still waiting there, and I think she went to speak to the nurses at the front desk. More waiting. And more. Finally, shortly after about 12pm, the registrar who saw us on Monday walked past and had the good sense to ask us if we were waiting to be seen. As it turns out, they misplaced our paperwork, and the doctor who was supposed to see us actually finished her clinic half an hour prior to that... Great!! Glad we wasted our time in these oh-so-comfortable chairs (not!).
We then went in to see the doctor, who took my blood pressure (high at the first reading, normal at the second), felt the baby (well it isn't small, she said), and noted my lack of composure. She went to consult her supervisor, who said that induction would in fact be a good idea, and then we all went up to the antenatal ward to see when we can get in - after being warned that all the induction spots are booked out for the next five days, but there is a possibility of transferring to a different hospital. After about 5 minutes of consultation with the midwives upstairs, the doctor emerged victorious - we can induce today! In fact, we can induce as soon as the rooms are cleaned, as there was a cancellation literally in the last half hour or so! So, as it turns out, misplacement of paperwork can be a beneficial thing - had we been seen on time, we would have gone to the antenatal BEFORE the cancellation, and would have been sent home with an induction date of 23 July (5 days later, on my husband's 40th birthday...)
Anyhow, we went down to the cafe to have a quick bite to eat, and returned shortly after. At about 2.30pm, our midwife broke my waters. I wanted to see if this could bring on labour on its own, but the doctor (different one) who was looking after us said they wanted to put the drip with synthocinon in straight away as well. So about 15 minutes later, after doing some walking around the ward, I was plugged into the drip, and put onto the contraction and heartbeat monitors, none of which came off until after Hamish was born... Contractions started soonish, just little cramping here and there. In a couple of hours, they started getting a little stronger and more regular, enough so that not talking through them was a good idea. I kept upright, standing or sitting, for about the first two or three hours. Then I sat down on the bed for a bit, and then stood up again. After that, it was all over the place for about an hour - one strongish contraction, followed by three not so strong ones, and so on. Then, all of a sudden, bang! One really good one that I had to breathe through, and then it just never stopped... One after the other, getting stronger and stronger. I can't remember much from that point, except that I know I did a lot of screaming, and hung onto Kylie's hand for dear life (Adrian wisely exited after he made some silly joke and I didn't react favourably) - that never happened to me before, with either of my births. I can only surmise that it was the synthocinon - really, really intense. I went from 4cm to 8cm in about 40 minutes, and somewhere around there I begged the midwife for an epidural. She did go out to ask, but as she came back, the pain changed from completely unbearable to something that I could control a bit better - she started getting everything ready for the baby coming, and I started thinking that I could make it without the epidural after all.
Unfortunately, when the midwife checked the cervix, she discovered that I had the same thing happening as I had with Sophie - something called 'anterior lip'. This is basically when the top part of the cervix (the one closer to the stomach wall) does not dilate at the same rate as the rest of the cervix and there is a little 'lip' leftover, where the cervix is thicker than it should be. Not sure exactly why this is, but possibly it has something to do with the placement of the baby's head. It also means that at that point labour slows way down, and the cervix takes quite some time to dilate fully. Bummer. So I did end up with an epidural in the end, although I had to wait for one for about an hour and a half. When it was put in, all was bliss for a little bit, and then I spiked a fever. Again, not sure why, possibly some sort of infection, as my waters were broken by then for a good while. Hamish's heart-rate went way up (mostly around 180bpm, but Kylie said it was over 200bmp at one point), then it slowed right down (all the way to 80bpm)... Anyway, it took about 3 hours on the epidural for the cervix to dilate fully. When I started feeling a bit of pressure, I started pushing, and he was out in less then 20 minutes - came out crying, straight into Kylie's hands. Adrian got to cut the cord, and there were some tears from all of us. It felt wonderful to see them all together.
I'm sure I would have enjoyed the whole thing more if I was a little more with it. I felt completely exhausted, and this wasn't helped by my somewhat lazy uterus - apparently it wasn't contracting after the delivery as it should, and I lost some extra blood and had to be put on an extra drip with something or other to help it along. My fever also declined the invitation to leave me alone and persisted in hanging about, so I was left on two different types of antibiotics for almost 36 hours.
We all transferred into the postnatal ward, and as I had the fever, Hamish was kept in the hospital for 24 hours as well for observation. We were all discharged the next day, but unfortunately Hamish got a bit of a fever that night, and ended up at the emergency. The fever went down pretty quickly, but they put him on IV antibiotics and put him through all tests imaginable (bloods, urine, X-ray, ultrasound, even attempted a lumbar puncture), but found nothing except elevated leukocytes in his urine - possibly indicating urinary tract infection. Last night, the little man and his family were finally allowed to go home.
Throughout all this, Hamish has been a delightful little thing. He barely cries (except when his nappy or clothes are getting changed), and when he is upset or just not too happy, he makes tiny little squeaky noises - he sounds like a little mouse :D With the exception of the first day/night, he consumes his formula with relish and keeps it down without much spewing up (of course, the one time that I gave him a feed, he spewed most of it back all over me... probably my fault though, that was one of the very first times I ever attempted to bottle-feed a baby, my technique must suck!).
I have been doing quite well. Up until yesterday I just had to deal with a little tiredness - alas, yesterday early morning I woke up in pain and realised that the milk fairy has been... My boobs are absolutely killing me, and for some reason my back got rather painful as well - I imagine it might be related, as I am noticeably top-heavier now! So I've been popping Panadol and padding my bra with chilled cabbage leaves. Frankly, it is hell... but the midwife says it shouldn't last for much longer than 48 hours.
As a side note, while physically I am still recovering, emotionally I have been completely fine. Not even a little tiny bit of the blues that one normally gets on day 2 or 3 post partum. The only thing that makes me a bit sad is that I have all this milk and it's getting wasted! :D
And that's about all. Actually, there are bits and pieces that I haven't written about, but this is now so long that I might leave that for another time. I apologize in advance for any typos or grammatical errors - not proofreading this!
Before I go, I want to thank all of you who have been following the blog or just stopping by to check on me. Although the primary purpose of this blog was to have a journal of my journey, I really appreciate knowing that there are many people out there who have been here with me all the way. In particular, thank you for your comments - you have been great support!
We went for the pre-arranged monitoring appointment on Wednesday. We met our midwife first, who took us down to the clinic and sat us in the waiting room. The appointment was supposed to be at 10.45am. Time goes by, all the people who came before us have gone, people who have come after us have gone, yet we are still sitting, waiting... Our midwife came by at one point to check, was surprised to see us still waiting there, and I think she went to speak to the nurses at the front desk. More waiting. And more. Finally, shortly after about 12pm, the registrar who saw us on Monday walked past and had the good sense to ask us if we were waiting to be seen. As it turns out, they misplaced our paperwork, and the doctor who was supposed to see us actually finished her clinic half an hour prior to that... Great!! Glad we wasted our time in these oh-so-comfortable chairs (not!).
We then went in to see the doctor, who took my blood pressure (high at the first reading, normal at the second), felt the baby (well it isn't small, she said), and noted my lack of composure. She went to consult her supervisor, who said that induction would in fact be a good idea, and then we all went up to the antenatal ward to see when we can get in - after being warned that all the induction spots are booked out for the next five days, but there is a possibility of transferring to a different hospital. After about 5 minutes of consultation with the midwives upstairs, the doctor emerged victorious - we can induce today! In fact, we can induce as soon as the rooms are cleaned, as there was a cancellation literally in the last half hour or so! So, as it turns out, misplacement of paperwork can be a beneficial thing - had we been seen on time, we would have gone to the antenatal BEFORE the cancellation, and would have been sent home with an induction date of 23 July (5 days later, on my husband's 40th birthday...)
Anyhow, we went down to the cafe to have a quick bite to eat, and returned shortly after. At about 2.30pm, our midwife broke my waters. I wanted to see if this could bring on labour on its own, but the doctor (different one) who was looking after us said they wanted to put the drip with synthocinon in straight away as well. So about 15 minutes later, after doing some walking around the ward, I was plugged into the drip, and put onto the contraction and heartbeat monitors, none of which came off until after Hamish was born... Contractions started soonish, just little cramping here and there. In a couple of hours, they started getting a little stronger and more regular, enough so that not talking through them was a good idea. I kept upright, standing or sitting, for about the first two or three hours. Then I sat down on the bed for a bit, and then stood up again. After that, it was all over the place for about an hour - one strongish contraction, followed by three not so strong ones, and so on. Then, all of a sudden, bang! One really good one that I had to breathe through, and then it just never stopped... One after the other, getting stronger and stronger. I can't remember much from that point, except that I know I did a lot of screaming, and hung onto Kylie's hand for dear life (Adrian wisely exited after he made some silly joke and I didn't react favourably) - that never happened to me before, with either of my births. I can only surmise that it was the synthocinon - really, really intense. I went from 4cm to 8cm in about 40 minutes, and somewhere around there I begged the midwife for an epidural. She did go out to ask, but as she came back, the pain changed from completely unbearable to something that I could control a bit better - she started getting everything ready for the baby coming, and I started thinking that I could make it without the epidural after all.
Unfortunately, when the midwife checked the cervix, she discovered that I had the same thing happening as I had with Sophie - something called 'anterior lip'. This is basically when the top part of the cervix (the one closer to the stomach wall) does not dilate at the same rate as the rest of the cervix and there is a little 'lip' leftover, where the cervix is thicker than it should be. Not sure exactly why this is, but possibly it has something to do with the placement of the baby's head. It also means that at that point labour slows way down, and the cervix takes quite some time to dilate fully. Bummer. So I did end up with an epidural in the end, although I had to wait for one for about an hour and a half. When it was put in, all was bliss for a little bit, and then I spiked a fever. Again, not sure why, possibly some sort of infection, as my waters were broken by then for a good while. Hamish's heart-rate went way up (mostly around 180bpm, but Kylie said it was over 200bmp at one point), then it slowed right down (all the way to 80bpm)... Anyway, it took about 3 hours on the epidural for the cervix to dilate fully. When I started feeling a bit of pressure, I started pushing, and he was out in less then 20 minutes - came out crying, straight into Kylie's hands. Adrian got to cut the cord, and there were some tears from all of us. It felt wonderful to see them all together.
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| Hamish on day 1 |
I'm sure I would have enjoyed the whole thing more if I was a little more with it. I felt completely exhausted, and this wasn't helped by my somewhat lazy uterus - apparently it wasn't contracting after the delivery as it should, and I lost some extra blood and had to be put on an extra drip with something or other to help it along. My fever also declined the invitation to leave me alone and persisted in hanging about, so I was left on two different types of antibiotics for almost 36 hours.
We all transferred into the postnatal ward, and as I had the fever, Hamish was kept in the hospital for 24 hours as well for observation. We were all discharged the next day, but unfortunately Hamish got a bit of a fever that night, and ended up at the emergency. The fever went down pretty quickly, but they put him on IV antibiotics and put him through all tests imaginable (bloods, urine, X-ray, ultrasound, even attempted a lumbar puncture), but found nothing except elevated leukocytes in his urine - possibly indicating urinary tract infection. Last night, the little man and his family were finally allowed to go home.
Throughout all this, Hamish has been a delightful little thing. He barely cries (except when his nappy or clothes are getting changed), and when he is upset or just not too happy, he makes tiny little squeaky noises - he sounds like a little mouse :D With the exception of the first day/night, he consumes his formula with relish and keeps it down without much spewing up (of course, the one time that I gave him a feed, he spewed most of it back all over me... probably my fault though, that was one of the very first times I ever attempted to bottle-feed a baby, my technique must suck!).
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| Hamish and I on day 4 - fortunately wearing a dark top so that you can't see the spew stains... :D |
I have been doing quite well. Up until yesterday I just had to deal with a little tiredness - alas, yesterday early morning I woke up in pain and realised that the milk fairy has been... My boobs are absolutely killing me, and for some reason my back got rather painful as well - I imagine it might be related, as I am noticeably top-heavier now! So I've been popping Panadol and padding my bra with chilled cabbage leaves. Frankly, it is hell... but the midwife says it shouldn't last for much longer than 48 hours.
As a side note, while physically I am still recovering, emotionally I have been completely fine. Not even a little tiny bit of the blues that one normally gets on day 2 or 3 post partum. The only thing that makes me a bit sad is that I have all this milk and it's getting wasted! :D
And that's about all. Actually, there are bits and pieces that I haven't written about, but this is now so long that I might leave that for another time. I apologize in advance for any typos or grammatical errors - not proofreading this!
Before I go, I want to thank all of you who have been following the blog or just stopping by to check on me. Although the primary purpose of this blog was to have a journal of my journey, I really appreciate knowing that there are many people out there who have been here with me all the way. In particular, thank you for your comments - you have been great support!
Friday, 20 July 2012
My work here is done...
Hamish Donavan Raftery was born at 3.36am on 19 July, weighing in at 8 pounds 14. We are all well, recovering in the hospital but going home soon.
For your viewing pleasure, here is 'First cuddles from mummy - Kylie and Hamish, at 1 minute of age'
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Would you believe...
that Bruiser still has not deemed it appropriate to grace us with his presence? You betcha! I am starting to feel like this is never going to happen!! Really, really anxious now as I keep thinking that every extra day only increases the possibility of something going wrong...
Off to monitoring at the hospital clinic tomorrow... You don't want to know what happened on Monday after I cracked it and called the midwife in tears saying that I can't deal with the pressure anymore (emotional, not physical) - but I'm going to tell you anyway. We went for a monitoring then, the result of which was 'baby is doing fine, your cervix is progressing beautifully, no space for you now so come back on Wednesday and we'll talk then'. That made me feel even more stressed than I already was and I burst into tears in front of the midwife, the registrar, Kylie and Adrian and both of my kids (who were thankfully fully immersed in the joys of iPad games and didn't pay any attention to my display of theatrics) - feel very bad for K & A though witnessing that, as I'm sure it's only made them feel guilty. But that, folks, wasn't the worst part. About a minute after everyone left the room to give me space to get myself together (and about two minutes after I acknowledged the registrar's statement that the baby is doing fine by saying that I am aware of that fact, just as well as I'm aware of the fact that this can change in a matter of minutes), some poor woman in the room next door started wailing desperately and crying 'my baby, my baby'... Kylie and Adrian, who were by then in the waiting room, of course heard it as well, and there were apparently midwives crying and doctors bustling into the room... Obviously, this is someone else's tragedy. But for me, and I imagine particularly for K & A, it was the absolutely worst possible end to our little outing. Depressing day followed. Today I had another really crappy, and rather painful, day. While I would love to entertain the notion that the full-on crampiness could be a sign of impending labour, I am not overly optimistic...
Come on Little Bruiser, 41 weeks tomorrow!! Stop this nonsense and get your butt out!
Off to monitoring at the hospital clinic tomorrow... You don't want to know what happened on Monday after I cracked it and called the midwife in tears saying that I can't deal with the pressure anymore (emotional, not physical) - but I'm going to tell you anyway. We went for a monitoring then, the result of which was 'baby is doing fine, your cervix is progressing beautifully, no space for you now so come back on Wednesday and we'll talk then'. That made me feel even more stressed than I already was and I burst into tears in front of the midwife, the registrar, Kylie and Adrian and both of my kids (who were thankfully fully immersed in the joys of iPad games and didn't pay any attention to my display of theatrics) - feel very bad for K & A though witnessing that, as I'm sure it's only made them feel guilty. But that, folks, wasn't the worst part. About a minute after everyone left the room to give me space to get myself together (and about two minutes after I acknowledged the registrar's statement that the baby is doing fine by saying that I am aware of that fact, just as well as I'm aware of the fact that this can change in a matter of minutes), some poor woman in the room next door started wailing desperately and crying 'my baby, my baby'... Kylie and Adrian, who were by then in the waiting room, of course heard it as well, and there were apparently midwives crying and doctors bustling into the room... Obviously, this is someone else's tragedy. But for me, and I imagine particularly for K & A, it was the absolutely worst possible end to our little outing. Depressing day followed. Today I had another really crappy, and rather painful, day. While I would love to entertain the notion that the full-on crampiness could be a sign of impending labour, I am not overly optimistic...
Come on Little Bruiser, 41 weeks tomorrow!! Stop this nonsense and get your butt out!
Friday, 13 July 2012
And...
still nothing. Nada. Niente. No movement in the station. Hmph.
Little Bruiser should get a Little Busy before I get a Little Batty.
Little Bruiser should get a Little Busy before I get a Little Batty.
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
One day shy of full term
... and LB is still taking full advantage of free board.
I am getting a little (well, maybe a bit more than little) worried about the size - seems rather heavy, and is definitely long. The midwife today didn't think that the baby was too big (although she did comment on the length), and said that I might have a lot of amniotic fluid, which would account for the heaviness. Not sure about that one, hoping she knows what she's talking about... but at the last largish ultrasound we had (the 3D one at 34 week) the sonographer said that the fluid amount was on the low side of normal. So I don't know.
At this point I am really over it, and I just wish that he hurried up and came out to meet his parents already! The idea of carrying him for, possibly, another two weeks, does not exactly fill me with happiness - it would make things rather difficult from a lot of points of view. Also, and this is probably just the 'over it' bit talking, I feel like I've been on this surrogacy journey forever now, and I am quite ready for it to be done and dusted. It has been a huge part of my life for, well, at least the last year and a half, and in a smaller way for much longer.
So, it is time, Little Bruiser! Get your gear ready and make your grand entrance! Anytime soon would be good!!
I am getting a little (well, maybe a bit more than little) worried about the size - seems rather heavy, and is definitely long. The midwife today didn't think that the baby was too big (although she did comment on the length), and said that I might have a lot of amniotic fluid, which would account for the heaviness. Not sure about that one, hoping she knows what she's talking about... but at the last largish ultrasound we had (the 3D one at 34 week) the sonographer said that the fluid amount was on the low side of normal. So I don't know.
At this point I am really over it, and I just wish that he hurried up and came out to meet his parents already! The idea of carrying him for, possibly, another two weeks, does not exactly fill me with happiness - it would make things rather difficult from a lot of points of view. Also, and this is probably just the 'over it' bit talking, I feel like I've been on this surrogacy journey forever now, and I am quite ready for it to be done and dusted. It has been a huge part of my life for, well, at least the last year and a half, and in a smaller way for much longer.
So, it is time, Little Bruiser! Get your gear ready and make your grand entrance! Anytime soon would be good!!
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
39
And yes, again, still 2 in 1. Ugh...
The day after I posted last week we had a midwife appointment, and as part of it she did a 'stretch and sweep' - for the uninitiated as to this particular loveliness, the midwife (or doctor) inserts their finger/s into the vagina, finds the cervix, and if that is at all dilated, tries to stretch it a bit and separate the membranes of the amniotic sac just past its entrance from the uterine wall. At the time the midwife said that I was 2cm dilated and my cervix was anterior and thinned out a bit. Well, needless to say, nothing eventuated from that little adventure but a little bit of cramping on the day. Today's appointment brought another stretch and sweep and not much in terms of encouraging news - still 2cm, although cervix apparently a little 'softer', so I guess at least we're moving in the right direction. However, LB was, for the first time, not behaving himself quite as nicely as usual, and was slightly posterior (his spine facing mine), which, while not a huge problem, could mean longer and more painful labour, if s/he stays that way. Again, ugh...
So, for the time being, no movement at the station - although everything is all set for the grand entrance, what with both Kylie and Adrian being here and settled, and hubby off work to be able to watch the kids while I'm otherwise occupied.
And so we wait.
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
38
Yes, 38 weeks! And still 2 in 1...
Getting very tired now. Tired enough to have decided that I would give work a skip as of today - thankfully it's the last week of term, followed by two weeks of holiday, so I will only miss three days.
LB is sitting very low, and we're both stuck in Braxton-Hicks-Galoresville at the moment - I turn over in bed, get a Braxton-Hicks; I stand up, get a Braxton-Hicks... you get the picture. Just about done, seriously. I also feel awful for Kylie, because I think I'm making her feel guilty that I feel tired (and grumpy) - and she shouldn't feel that, because I knew what I was in for when I agreed to do this. Anyway, hopefully not much longer and LB makes his/her appearance.
On a happier note, not sure if I mentioned that I won a competition for a free photo shoot of myself, Kylie, and the LB bump. The shoot took place a few weeks ago, and some of the photos are now up on the wonderful photographer's blog at http://heartstoryphotography.com.au/blog/portrait-photography/a-sibling-for-sophie-canberra-portrait-photographer/ - I'm the one with the belly :D
Getting very tired now. Tired enough to have decided that I would give work a skip as of today - thankfully it's the last week of term, followed by two weeks of holiday, so I will only miss three days.
LB is sitting very low, and we're both stuck in Braxton-Hicks-Galoresville at the moment - I turn over in bed, get a Braxton-Hicks; I stand up, get a Braxton-Hicks... you get the picture. Just about done, seriously. I also feel awful for Kylie, because I think I'm making her feel guilty that I feel tired (and grumpy) - and she shouldn't feel that, because I knew what I was in for when I agreed to do this. Anyway, hopefully not much longer and LB makes his/her appearance.
On a happier note, not sure if I mentioned that I won a competition for a free photo shoot of myself, Kylie, and the LB bump. The shoot took place a few weeks ago, and some of the photos are now up on the wonderful photographer's blog at http://heartstoryphotography.com.au/blog/portrait-photography/a-sibling-for-sophie-canberra-portrait-photographer/ - I'm the one with the belly :D
Sunday, 17 June 2012
Almost term!
Only a few days to term! Very exciting, although even if LB were to be born today, labour wouldn't be stopped as apparently the only thing that changes now is the weight - everything else is all fine.
I have been feeling a bit under the weather in the last three or four days - veeeeerry tired, headachy, and cramping on and off. Yesterday it got to the point when I decided that enough was enough and called my midwife, who asked me to come to the birth center to get checked out. And checked out I was - extremely thoroughly! They put me on the baby monitor (to check LB's heartbeat (145 average), baby movement (lots), any contractions (none to speak about)), checked my blood pressure (125/74), ultrasound (placenta is low, but baby is lower, so all is good), internal exam (cervix is long, closed and posterior - nowhere near ready, told you I have cervix of steel!), and urine exam. And, as I suspected, it turns out that I have a urinary tract infection! Not too happy about that, but happy to know what's happening. So as of today, I am on antibiotics, and I have been told to 'hydrate as I have never hydrated before' :D Hopefully this will clear up soon, and I'll start feeling better.
As a side note, I found out that what I thought must surely be an urban legend - you know, the stories of women turning up at the emergency complaining of abdominal pains, and find out they are full-term pregnant and in labour - is NOT an urban legend after all! The obstetrician that was doing the ultrasound was very nice and chatty, and told me and the midwife about a lady who turned up the day before thinking she had severe gastro, and was told that she was in fact 40 weeks pregnant, 10 centimeters dilated, and ready to deliver! Apparently she was in complete denial, refused to push, and in the final minutes yelled at the midwives in between contractions 'But I can't be having a baby, I don't even have a basinette!' :D
And on this happy note, I shall finish this post.
Edit: Not sure what happened with my font, but can't seem to fix it... hmmm.
Edit: Not sure what happened with my font, but can't seem to fix it... hmmm.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
35 weeks
Oh, how much more can this little one grow, I wonder? I feel like s/he has nowhere to go now - I feel huge! I'm sure that's just my imagination and there is plenty of space, but man, I do feel quite done :D
We had a 3D (actually 4D) scan on Saturday, the first one I've ever had. It was interesting, but sadly LB didn't cooperate much - he is well and truly positioned for exit, head stuck down low, and his hands were, you guessed it, very nicely covering his face for basically all of the ultrasound. For a brief moment, after a lot of poking and prodding from us, s/he moved those little hand a fraction, and a part of a cute little face could be seen... just for that brief moment though. It appears that while the level of the amniotic fluid is within the normal range, there isn't all that much, and that combined with the size of the baby (normalish for the gestational age, actually) doesn't make for good ultrasound pictures. Oh well. Not that long to go until we get to meet this new little person... in person!
Kylie has been spending quite a bit of time here, helping me while hubby was away. She is coming back tomorrow for a week, then leaving for a few days, and then coming back again. As by that time I will be very close to 37 weeks and anything can happen at any time, she will probably be spending a great deal more time here. Which I certainly don't mind at all, as she does my housework, cooks, and entertains the kids! Plus she's great company, of course :D
I have had quite a bit going on, what with work and study in particular, and I feel really tired now most of the time - thus the lack of updating. I have an inkling that won't improve much until the big arrival. By the way, although the due date is 11 July, my money is on 29 June - probably because that is the last day of work (term ends) and I had a dream that I gave birth while on playground duty :-)
We had a 3D (actually 4D) scan on Saturday, the first one I've ever had. It was interesting, but sadly LB didn't cooperate much - he is well and truly positioned for exit, head stuck down low, and his hands were, you guessed it, very nicely covering his face for basically all of the ultrasound. For a brief moment, after a lot of poking and prodding from us, s/he moved those little hand a fraction, and a part of a cute little face could be seen... just for that brief moment though. It appears that while the level of the amniotic fluid is within the normal range, there isn't all that much, and that combined with the size of the baby (normalish for the gestational age, actually) doesn't make for good ultrasound pictures. Oh well. Not that long to go until we get to meet this new little person... in person!
Kylie has been spending quite a bit of time here, helping me while hubby was away. She is coming back tomorrow for a week, then leaving for a few days, and then coming back again. As by that time I will be very close to 37 weeks and anything can happen at any time, she will probably be spending a great deal more time here. Which I certainly don't mind at all, as she does my housework, cooks, and entertains the kids! Plus she's great company, of course :D
I have had quite a bit going on, what with work and study in particular, and I feel really tired now most of the time - thus the lack of updating. I have an inkling that won't improve much until the big arrival. By the way, although the due date is 11 July, my money is on 29 June - probably because that is the last day of work (term ends) and I had a dream that I gave birth while on playground duty :-)
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